For when you wish you could trade lives with someone…
Think about the problems you wish would disappear from your life.
Maybe you’ve got crazy family members, an addiction and a shitty car that’s falling apart.
You look at the lives of others, which seem to be so easy, so smooth — and you wish you could trade places.
If I magically solved my problems, everything would be so easy —I’d be happy.
But here’s the fascinating part:
If you clicked your fingers, and all the problems in your life disappeared — you’d feel empty.
Because happiness is not a lack of problems, it’s the ability to accept them.
Your life is perfectly good as it is
“No such thing as a life that’s better than yours.”
— Jermaine Cole
When I was 17, my Dad’s friend gave me this run-down 1997 Toyota Corolla with the licence plate ending in “T I A” — Tia.
Tia was maroon, missing her hubcaps and had no speedometer. The aircon didn’t work, she made a loud screeching noise when she started, and I had to punch her door to unlock it.
She wasn’t pretty, but she got the job done. And to be fair, I was pretty cool amongst my friends for having a car at all.
But then my friend’s mum bought her a brand-new Jeep for her 18th birthday…and I was green.
I could be cruising around in a new Jeep, but instead, I’ve got this shitbox for a car that can’t even tell me what speed I’m doing…
Humans are like water — we take the path of least resistance.
When you see a problem, you don’t try to find a solution, you begin to look to the lives of others and think:
If only I could swap lives — I’d be happier.
But the more I think about that, the more false it is.
We don’t love things because they’re perfect. We loathe perfect things — they’re sterile and inhuman.
We love character — we love uniqueness and individuality.
And although Tia was far from perfect, she was mine — she had character.
I didn’t care how many flash cars drove past — I loved my car for one reason.
She was my Tia.
Comparison is the thief of joy — but not why you might think
The famous phrase speaks to comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone’s highlight reel— but this topic is deeper than that.
The real problem in comparing is the time and attention taken away from appreciating what you have.
“Contentment comes from focusing on what you have, not on what you lack.” — Unknown
Fantasising about an alternative life with perfect characters is robbing you of what you have right in front of you.
That ‘path of least resistance’ will bring you great suffering.
Barring any extremely unhealthy situations, trading your mother for someone else’s, or trading your partner for someone else’s, will lead to regret and disgust.
A dog would never trade its owner for another owner, because it doesn’t care about perfection. It loves its owner for who they are. It doesn’t care if its owner ticks all the boxes — it doesn’t want anyone else.
It wants its owner.
You don’t want perfect — you want yours
“I was peeling a red apple from the garden when I suddenly understood that life would only ever give me a series of wonderfully insoluble problems.
With that thought an ocean of profound peace entered my heart.” — Christian Bobin (via Madeleine Dore)
Whenever I yearn for the quick fix of trading my life for someone else’s, I stop and remind myself that there will always be problems, and nothing will ever be perfect — like the man peeling his apple said.
- No, my car wasn’t perfect — but I loved it. I loved it more than any other car I’ve ever owned, and will ever own.
- I love my imperfect mother, father, partner and sisters because they’re mine.
- I love my imperfect self too.
I love my whole life because it’s mine — and I wouldn’t trade it.
So I hope you can join me in finding solace in our lives.
They’re imperfect, but they are certainly ours.
Thank you for reading!
I’m Eren and I use stories from experiences in my life to explain self-improvement — and how you can change your life by changing your thoughts.
This article was inspired by an interact I had on one of Madeleine Dore’s post. I suggest checking her work out - it’s top notch!
PS. If you subscribe to the free weekly newsletter, you’ll get my 8 spell-like reminders to say to yourself to snap out of frustration, anxiety and stress, in the welcome email.
And if you want to learn to write articles like this one - I have a free guide here: How to turn ideas in your head into articles that could change the world.
— eren
